Villain's Perspective
Max Roesler
Shrek and Lord Farquaad
I am Lord Farquaad and I am four feet tall. Do you know what it’s like to grow up being a midget? It’s not fun. Nobody treats you normally, people don’t even see you when you’re walking down the hallway. Back in high school all of the tall ogre kids would steal my crown and dangle it above my head and chant, “Lord Farquaad is a fart wad.” I’m sure it’s obvious from that image that I didn’t have the best time in high school. For instance, my senior year of high school I finally got the courage to ask out the girl of my dreams and you want to know what she said to me? Nothing, she said nothing because she couldn’t hear me because I was so short. I made it my life goal to shame all of you tall people and become a strong ruler so that people would take me seriously. Maybe if I’m a strong ruler woman will look past my height and see that I’m not that bad of a guy. I won’t let anything get in the way of my goal. Not another king, not another man, and especially not an ogre.
Kate Weyeneth
Swiper the Fox
My name is Swiper. And I am a kleptomaniac. To be completely honest, Dora’s show was quite boring before I became ‘the bad guy’. A little bilingual girl and her monkey go trotting around the forest spouting Spanglish. Big whoop. Even the title, “Dora the Explorer”, was dull. I had no choice—I had to liven things up. This was my first reality television performance, you see, and it is hard to come by those jobs when you’re animated. I couldn’t let this show go off air. That would mean the end of my newly found career. So I stole a little here, and thieved a little there. Initially, all my stealing was done in the name of quality television entertainment. Does that make me a ‘bad guy’? Apparently so. But did it save my job? It most certainly did.
Although I had single handedly saved my career and the television series, my victory came at a great price. My costars grew nervous around me, clutching their valuables tightly whenever I appeared. That wasn’t the worst of it, though. After the first season aired, the hatred of the two to six year-old demographic came down upon me full force. I’m still haunted by the cries of the children--“Swiper no swiping”. The greatest price I paid was my honor. After eight seasons of “Dora the Explorer”, I have grown addicted to swiping. Shiny things seem to call my name and my paws are almost magnetically drawn to anything of value. The good news is that the combination of my impressive acting career and sneaky swiping has made me a wealthy fox. Unfortunately, I don’t have much chance to spend my fortune as I’ve had to become a bit of a recluse. My notoriety has made it impossible for me to seek any other acting job, so I’ve had to remain a burglarizing fox on a children’s television show. When will this purgatory end?
Shrek and Lord Farquaad
I am Lord Farquaad and I am four feet tall. Do you know what it’s like to grow up being a midget? It’s not fun. Nobody treats you normally, people don’t even see you when you’re walking down the hallway. Back in high school all of the tall ogre kids would steal my crown and dangle it above my head and chant, “Lord Farquaad is a fart wad.” I’m sure it’s obvious from that image that I didn’t have the best time in high school. For instance, my senior year of high school I finally got the courage to ask out the girl of my dreams and you want to know what she said to me? Nothing, she said nothing because she couldn’t hear me because I was so short. I made it my life goal to shame all of you tall people and become a strong ruler so that people would take me seriously. Maybe if I’m a strong ruler woman will look past my height and see that I’m not that bad of a guy. I won’t let anything get in the way of my goal. Not another king, not another man, and especially not an ogre.
Kate Weyeneth
Swiper the Fox
My name is Swiper. And I am a kleptomaniac. To be completely honest, Dora’s show was quite boring before I became ‘the bad guy’. A little bilingual girl and her monkey go trotting around the forest spouting Spanglish. Big whoop. Even the title, “Dora the Explorer”, was dull. I had no choice—I had to liven things up. This was my first reality television performance, you see, and it is hard to come by those jobs when you’re animated. I couldn’t let this show go off air. That would mean the end of my newly found career. So I stole a little here, and thieved a little there. Initially, all my stealing was done in the name of quality television entertainment. Does that make me a ‘bad guy’? Apparently so. But did it save my job? It most certainly did.
Although I had single handedly saved my career and the television series, my victory came at a great price. My costars grew nervous around me, clutching their valuables tightly whenever I appeared. That wasn’t the worst of it, though. After the first season aired, the hatred of the two to six year-old demographic came down upon me full force. I’m still haunted by the cries of the children--“Swiper no swiping”. The greatest price I paid was my honor. After eight seasons of “Dora the Explorer”, I have grown addicted to swiping. Shiny things seem to call my name and my paws are almost magnetically drawn to anything of value. The good news is that the combination of my impressive acting career and sneaky swiping has made me a wealthy fox. Unfortunately, I don’t have much chance to spend my fortune as I’ve had to become a bit of a recluse. My notoriety has made it impossible for me to seek any other acting job, so I’ve had to remain a burglarizing fox on a children’s television show. When will this purgatory end?